On Friday morning, I sat down to write a post about strawberry buttercream. Then I realized I didn't want to write about strawberry buttercream. Not that there's anything wrong with it; it's wonderful, you should try it. But it's completely irrelevant to where my head is at these days.
As I mentioned before, I've been immersed in purging my life. I've been caught off guard by how intensely emotional and cathartic this process has been. (I'm normally a moderate, not a zealot.) I'm not quite done, but by now I've handled just about every single possession I own, and it feels like I've handled not my belongings, but every chapter, every detail of my life, current and past. It's ten years of therapy rolled into several months. It's been unexpected and very, very weird. It feels just like a breakup. You know, the impossible relationship that's clearly doomed but causes grief, nonetheless.
Underneath this emotional roil, I have felt the stirrings of excitement and joy. There's work to be done; I'm anxious to get started. I've come full circle, arriving at the very beginning once again. Other than the discovery of an awesome lip pencil I'd forgotten about, my greatest (re)discovery in handling all the scraps of my life has been that the fundamental me hasn't gone anywhere. It just needs to be reshaped.
But past the place of dreams lies the journey of many steps, the bits and pieces of hard work that have to be cobbled together into something solid. It requires attention, fewer distractions, the ability to get past my limitations, those walls erected by choice or circumstance. The only way through is focused learning. It seemed so impossible before, not enough time or resources to do and learn everything I wanted, but here, now, my brain has opened up. I want less, but I want more. I'm ready to go deep.
Which brings me to Urban Comfort. There are maybe a handful of people who care about my psychological or creative journey, and this blog doesn't feel like the right forum for that. This is not a new realization. I've written earlier drafts of this post going back more than a year. I kept feeling like I could revamp the old, but sometimes it's better to say goodbye to the old and start again. It's a painful decision to make, but Urban Comfort has become the stretched out, shapeless sweater still hanging in my closet.
I suspect I'll be back to the Interwebs eventually, but more likely in a different format, one that more accurately reflects the pathways I want to take. But I need some time and distance to figure that out.
Thank you to everyone who's passed this way, who's made my life better and richer. Whether you were a commenter or a silent lurker, I appreciate that you shared in this space. I started Urban Comfort as a personal outlet, a way to connect with a community. I was lonely, as a new mother with a new life in post-Katrina New Orleans, a city that was struggling just as I was. My city is different now. Different than it was in my childhood, more bustling and booming than it was when I moved back. I'm different, too, stretched beyond my old skin.
I will keep this site up, since a large number of readers come here through Pinterest. If you wish to be alerted when I have new plans, you can subscribe by email or through a reader, such as Feedly. In the meantime, I'll still be on Instagram and Pinterest, sharing in one way or another.
I'll see you around!